Experience of Spiritual Awakening
my spiritual awakening, I was always trying to feel loved through relationship. And when I
was 28, I fell in love with a woman who subsequently left me soon
I was particularly attached to
this lady and I was absolutely devastated. For two weeks I
was a mess. Hardly functional. I spent most of the time in
meditation or walking on the beach.
pain was incredibly intense, but strangely intoxicating at the same
time. The intensity was so strong, it felt like it would break
me. So for the most part, all I could do was sit and allow the
intensity to be there, leaving my body incredibly sore.
had a phone session with someone today and was talking about this.
She was saying how she knew it was all a win-win situation. That
if she got what she wanted, she was blissful. And if she didn't
get what she wanted, it would break her ego, and in that, she would
become more free. She said that she knew this in intellect, but in
life, it wasn't much fun!
I was saying that one day, she will welcome the times when her ego gets
shattered like this. Because such a time is incredibly blissful,
it is a spiritual awakening in itself. The
pain is only there because of your attachment to that identity, about
having things a certain way. But the more you remain unattached to
this individual ego, the more you are free to enjoy the bliss of those
shattering moments, the feeling of being utterly vulnerable and alone is
when my girlfriend left me, although I did recognize the intoxication, the
intensity of emotion was almost unbearable. To surrender to the fact
that I could not control the situation, could not get out of the
situation felt excruciating. I could not justify my insanity and I could not reason
Every moment was intense pain.
But when I could fully accept that pain, there was the
intoxication, there was peace. But to have that every waking
moment was incredibly intense. There were the times of yelling "enough,
enough. I can't take it anymore!" and yet the emotional pain
continued. I was really a mess!
a lot of things happened in those two weeks. There was a moment or
two where I felt free of it all and danced and danced. Then soon
after the suffering was back full force like a huge weight on top of me.
then after 13 days of this, there was a huge explosion.
will simply paste what I wrote at the time:
I was writing my novel when I realized I didnít have it in me
to write anymore in that moment. I
went downstairs with a blanket and sat for four
hours. With intense focus
I made myself stick to being present completely remaining unidentified
thoughts so that they would come and go again.
I did my best to remain locked in being.
That evening I walked on the beach with the clarity that I was
not my thoughts, that I was this being.
There was intoxication yet I felt let down.
That if this being was all that there is than itís all pretty
MAY 28 I
ran errands. I felt quite
focused on the Self throughout the day.
I came home around lunch. Had
a bite to eat and since it was a sunny day for once, Saniel (my little
dog) and I had a walk on the beach.
While we were walking I saw my ex-girlfriend also walking on the beach with
was an intense emotional reaction to that from inside me but I was
able to allow those feelings instead of get caught up in them. The intensity of
emotion took over my body yet I did not
label it or judge it. I
just let it be and surrendered to it. I was able to allow it
without trying to justify it or analyze the situation. And as I
did this the feeling intensified.
the time I got home I was shaking with this intensity.
I sat down on the couch, unable to do anything, unable to even
see clearly. I closed my
eyes. I sat and let
this emotional intensity be. My body
became so drugged that it seemed as though it was numb and completely
immobile. I could
not move. Millions of
thoughts, visions and dreams arose and burned away.
I remained as consciousness, watching this whole process.
I was wide-awake.
consciousness was like an intense explosive fire.
The thoughts and
visions would arise at immense speed in consciousness and then
immediately burn away in this fire.
some point, it was clear that the
intensity of the emotions was nothing other than the intensity of
consciousness. The illusion of the two blended into one.
on for I donít know, an hour or two or maybe more.
I finally could open my eyes the power of consciousness was dominant
like a force stronger than anything imaginable.
The thinking ďIĒ was far away, still making noise and a lot
of noise at the new change, but it was not me at all.
These little noises bursted into nothing in this fire of
stood up and looked over towards the kitchen. And in that moment
looking at the clock on the wall, I realized that
I was consciousness, that I had always been consciousness, that there
never was anything but consciousness all along. It was all
was like a line was drawn in time. Up until that moment, my life
was a suffering but suddenly everything had changed. It was not
an experience but more of a shift that happened in awareness.
The perception that I was only an individual body-mind separate from
everything else was broken.
laughed and cried at the same time.
This force blew through me as this present moment, which I was.
I was completely free.
I was bliss.
I was Shiva Allah Buddha. I
was love itself. I danced
with an intoxication similar to experience of being on LSD.
Except this was pure and more consuming.
wanted dancing and there was dancing.
It was me yet it was not me dancing at the same time.
I had no control over the movement.
There was laughing and crying.
I listened to two dance pieces over and over my bliss increased past the point where I thought I could take it.
called Leslie (my teacher). I
could not stop laughing and crying. The
energy was so strong I couldnít keep still.
There was absolute freedom, yet I saw that nothing ever was but
freedom. That I had been
this consciousness all along. That
suffering was no different to ecstasy.
The only difference was a resistance that was imposed by an
illusory whining, call it an ego for lack of a better word.
is no suffering. Suffering
is just a resistance to what is. There
was nothing more to get of do or want.
Desire was gone. This
force of consciousness overpowered everything.
At home I sat quietly with Saniel by the fire and this consciousness
was right there.
As I was still, the feeling of it came back with a compelling
I went outside.
I walked back and forth on my porch full of peace.
I wasnít really walking.
I didnít choose to walk.
Consciousness just powered and led the form around and it was
I went back inside.
the realization that I am consciousness, bliss smashed through me
and as me like a nuclear bomb.
I danced and laughed and cried yet it was not me doing these
I watched everything as everything, the force of god blasting
through me and as me.
I am god I am consciousness I am Shiva I am Allah I am Buddha
I am truth I am bliss I am love.
I was so free and full of love.
I was everything.
I did my dishes and realized nothing had ever felt so incredibly
blissful as washing those dishes.
May 30, Consciousness is.
There is a constant commentating in the form of thought and
voice inside me.
It rambles on by itself.
I am irrevocably forced into this moment and as this moment.
It makes my hands shake when I am still, as though an
electrical current is flowing through my circuits at too high of a
I walked on the beach this emotional intensity turned again to the realization
that I am consciousness, god, love.
Driving home from the beach my heart exploded in an
By the time I got home I was lost in this experience of being
love and peace itself.
This feeling of absolute love was beyond anything imaginable,
words cannot describe the beauty and immensity of love itself.
Again I was reduced to tears and laughter.
I sat by the fire unable to move, lost in this love."
continued every night for about two weeks. Every night this same
exploding fire, revealing more and more beautiful states of peace, love
the big highs mellowed, but there was a permanent change. I could
no longer pretend that I was this personal "I" with
control, desire and fear. Kip was simply whatever was
arising as thought, as physical. But it was there on it's
own. I could step into it, but could not dramatize it as reality. There
were times of intense emotion, but they were no longer me.
the most part, I was constantly in and as this fire of consciousness, constantly
burning away the sense of separate me. I was serving consciousness
itself rather than the illusion of desires, the illusion that something outside of myself
would complete me.
was a huge shift, but it took a while to realize that this was only the
beginning. I still rest in this fire of consciousness.
The "Advaita Teenage years" as I call them, the time when you
think you know it all are gone. In fact, I know
nothing. Knowledge arises but it is not mine.
is a waterfall of energy rushing through me but it is the normal
experience now. The personalities that arise by themselves are not always what
you would judge as saintly, there is no plastic smile on my face.
Everything simply is. Judgment is false. There is a
contentment, no longer searching here or there but just resting as this
am at the feet of yet not separate from this presence, this constant
rush of energy, constantly surrendering more and more. Always
exploring energetically how I can give you this on an audio
The easiest & most effective way
to awaken yourself into deep states
of meditation and bliss is
by receiving Shakti.
Usually Shakti is awakened
by an enlightened master
but it can also be awakened
in the same way through sound.
So simply by listening to some unique music
and focusing on the bliss you feel,
you awaken to your natural state of unconditional
peace, bliss and freedom.
Have a listen to the Infinite
Sky or The
and allow the Shakti of the music
to awaken you to bliss.
Here to Listen to Free Samples of Infinite Sky
Or Click Here to
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After a profound spiritual awakening, Kip Mazuy created Ocean
Euphoric, a meditation CD with a unique sound technology that
has been proven repeatedly to induce deep states of relaxation and
meditation in the listener.
most meditation brainwave entrainment CDs use binaural beats to induce
states of meditation, Kip found a miraculous way to turn the actual
energetic experience of peace into sound.
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